That's all the effort I will put in to come up with a title, for, the movie is worth just that.
Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, goes the adage on rock music and rock-stars.
I'll be dissecting the movie on the basis of these, then proceed to brutally massacre it.
Let me begin by saying that I started off with 35 Kgs of prejudice (I used Chaos Theory and a whole lot of other such mathematical Mumbo Jumbo to come up with that figure, so you better not ask how I got it). Must say though that, at the end, it did live up to at least 30 Kgs of it.
I could smell a blog cooking, 15 minutes into the movie.
It all starts of with A (Farhan Akthar - vox), B (Arjun Rampal - guitars), E (Luke Kenny - keys) and L (Purab Kohli - drums) (Will explain the peculiar choice of letters later) having a band called Magik (Notice the clever play with letters. Makes me wonder, whether Abhishek Kapoor is related to Ekta Kapoor).
I'll forgive them for not having a bassist, for you see, the
aam junta watching this movie would have gotten confused with another guy holding a weird looking guitar, and also because, the back ground score and some other random songs in between do have bass in them. At least they are aware of it. That's good enough for me.
Only that, now A is a filthy rich Retail Banker who has no time for his wife (There goes the sex part of it), B is a jobless musician, playing at weddings et al. There's something 'fishy' about his wife's job, that's all I got. E plays the keys for Anu Malik (the nerves of this guy, says something like, 'Wow that tune is so original') and L, now a full-blooded partying gujju looks after his dad's business (I think), anyways, he's inconsequential (hence L).
As
legend flashback has it, A is the bard (Why does the vocalist necessarily have to write the songs?!?!?), B plays the guitar (maaf kiya), E, the keys and L, the drums (Whoa! How did you guess it?!). The music, I won't be judging, mainly because it is not my type.
The songs are somewhat of a cross between hindi Punk and Retro. (You be the judge...)
"na-na... na..na..na.. Meri laundry ka ek bill, Ek aadhi padi novel...
na-na... na..na..na.. Ek ladki ka phone number, mere kaam ka ek paper...
na-na... na..na..na.. Mere taash se heart ka king, mera ek chaandi ka ring...
Pichle saath dinom me maine khoya...
Kabhi khud pe hasaa... kabhi khud pe roya..."(Yes, I had to watch the song again to put it all down here. That's the least I could do for my faithful audience)
Now, don't they seem like they are there just to rhyme? Or is it just me...?
I didn't like A's voice a bit. The songs are hummable, though (XSanXdyX, I am not borrowing it from you. I thought the same too, at least after watching the movie).
There are some really cheesy dialogues like
' guys... Ek contest hone walla hai guys... and jeetne wale band ko guys... album banane ka mouka milega guys... and a music video guys...!!! guys..................guys...' all done in 5th-std.-Annual -Day-drama quality acting. Followed by all of them discussing basic requirements for having a decent band,
woh distortion pedal... do mike... etc. etc. etc. (Am being over critical here, I know, but after so many years of film making, why can't this have been done in a more mature way? Basically, what I am trying to say is, that, I wouldn't have done it this way).
Just like every 'Forgotten Horizon', 'Dark Dreams' and 'imaginary-wannabe-band-name-implying-a-lame-ass-struggling-band-just-starting-out', they are cash strapped too. A's father won't give them any cos A didn't agree to do his MBA.
So guess what they decide to do...
They play
Saason ko ki zaroorat hai jaise... and
Yeh din toh aata hai ek din jawani me (Yes I had to refer to the scene again) at a Dandiya show... and seem to enjoy it too.
So off they go to Channel V Launch Pad (Luke was a judge there, maaan... Does that disqualify his ratings, or something like that...?). They perform after another Hindi-Metal band 'Chakravyu' (Why degrade the legends? Why oh why?) who's vocalist looks like Mr. Vishal Spit-on-the-audience Dadlani.
Arjun Rampal looks like a body builder, not a guitarist at all. Probably he could have been the drummer(?). Though I very much appreciate the fact that he learned to play the guitar, and does a good job with the strumming and the chord changes (At last, some professionalism in Indian cinema!). He does some very gay gestures as Farhan (looking like Brian May) sings that nursery rhyme (
Meri laundry...). Farhan Akthar isn't exactly the best of actors, just that he does a little bit of everything, like a jack of many trades. Some more cheesy crap here, like asking the crowd to wave their hands and sing with him. Somehow just doesn't feel good, all fake...
Ofcoursely(sic), MagiK wins...
And yeah, the Vishal look-alike gives B a
tashan and all that...
Back to the present.
There's a chance meeting between A's wife and
J L (aaargh! It's so easy to forget this guy!). She invites him and the rest to A's birthday party.
By the way A's wife is totally unaware of her beau's 'rocking' past, until she finds some old pics and videos of MagiK (complete with A coochi-cooing with his then girl friend), neither does he like talking about it.
The photos are picture perfect as if shot by a professional! That gave me a 'why the fcuk' moment, which was later on snatched away by the realization that A's girl is a photographer. (Now you know where part of the 5 Kgs. of prejudice got spent)
B doesn't make it to the party (Any guesses why A doesn't want to remember the past?).
OK, it's getting too long now. In short here's what happens:
B writes a song for his girl.
Record producer says chuck that one song for one of his own (some
shaadi ke gaane crap).
B gets pissed.
A hogs limelight during shooting of music video (Sets from a Bollywood Item Number, and in Back Street Boys(?) costumes).
B gets even more mad. Hits producer/director. Hits A. Dashes off fuming, with his girl, determined never to get back with MagicK ever.
A leaves his girl (simply... aise hi...) and goes back to
Dilli to become the filthy rich Investment Banker.
Back to the present... ...again.
B, E and
G L (damn!) decide to jam once again.
Surprisingly A joins in too.
They start jamming regularly again.
Then Channel V launchpad happens again.
But wait... where's the catch, the twist in the story...?
B's wife wants him to go for a job as a musician on a cruise ship. She still despises A for being so lucky.
There are 3 girls (B's wife, A's wife and Koel Purie) and
3 men 4 men (yeah... you guessed it right, forgot about L). Someone has to die (For some weird reason, not L. He could have been bumped him off so easily, without affecting the outcome of the movie in any way).
So...
E, who's lost his long locks over the years develops a headache (still meaning the same thing after all these years of Hindi cinema... that he has a deadly illness). Hence the proximity to A and B in terms of lettering.
Now... now... There's more.
Mr. Dadlani 'sore-loser' Lookalike is the Channel V something (creative head/manager/etc) and is (now listen to this...) married to A's girl. (Har hardy har har -
kuch bhi kya?!?!?)
But against all odds MagiK decides to play their last gig. For E's sake at least.
But B has to leave for the job on the same day.
MagiK minus B goes on stage and A starts singing B's song, the one he had written for his girl (hmm... Have to give it to them for this. Some of that prejudice shed here.)
B who's in a taxi with his family hears the song live on radio (Which channel, you ask? I'm trying to find out too) and decides MagiK is bigger than career. Dashes off again, without wife to the concert. Some solos later wife reaches the venue too.
She's happy and they all live happily ever after. Except for poor L, who dies of cancer.
Outro - Seen 'Lords of Dog Town'? Try to visualize a poor version of it.
Oh yeah, about the drug part of it... XAnXshuX said something about a mention of 'Mary Jane' in one of the songs.
To put it in a somewhat abstract way, the whole story is a carefully calculated affair, all adding up to a big zero. Everything cancels everything else out and you're left with a fairy tale ending of sorts. Life is not that straight forward. Why not make something that people can relate to? Nothing you could rave about, nothing that gets you thinking - 'maaan that hit you right at the spot!', nothing in particular you'd remember 2
days hours after watching the movie.
Over all, I wasn't too dejected, mainly because I have stopped expecting anything good from mainstream Hindi Cinema. I wouldn't have cared enough to write a review at all if it hadn't been for this 'sensitive/controversial' topic ( :P ).
My crib is why compromise on a movie on such an awesome topic and try to please everyone. Why not make something like 'Paanch'. (Of course, I haven't seen it, but see how many times it got banned! That's what Rock music is all about, isn't it?! :P ).
Why still that crappy direction. Why the lame-ass acting?!
I could keep on going, but then it's too long already.
I couldn't help myself from keeping on comparing it with the last few good movies I had seen and sorry to say, I didn't like it a wee bit. You might say, 'At least they tried'. So what, RGV does that too.
Now Playing:
(Playing in the background)
Track: The day that never comes
Artist: Metallica
Album: Death Magnetic
Vaidu’s classification:Alternative/Thrash Metal (Reload-esque)
.jpg)
